


Personal loss

by Tatera



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Breaks Canon, D.Va has a friend in MEKA, D.Va is not a gremlin, F/F, Fluff, He is a cinnamonbun, I am not a psychologist so i may be off with some of the PTSD stuff, Mentions of drugs, Nightmares, Only mentions PTSD tho, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Probably some angst in there I guess, Reader had a brother, Reader is a psychology major, Reader is new in overwatch, Romance, Serious D.Va, drug overdose, so I killed him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 11:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10436484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tatera/pseuds/Tatera
Summary: D.Va has been a lot less cheerful lately and you being very much a people watcher is aware of this, so when she invites you to another game night you agree. What's the worst that could happen?





	

‘’Hey (Y/N), I was thinking some celebration for you play of the game? You really beat those noobs.’’ Hana gave you a tired smile as she climbed out of the MEKA and gave it a good pat. You had trained the entire day with the others and you had received 3 POTG despite being only a support.

‘’What exactly did you have in mind Hana? Winston got in one really good punch on me and I don’t want to run around more than I have to’’ You took a hand through your (H/C) hair with a hum as you leaned back at the counter you had put your weapons at.

‘’Pft, Running around is for noobs! I was thinking just chilling and gaming’’ Hana and you had done this since you first arrived at the establishment, you were a big fan of her streams so you were still slightly star-struck at the fact of meeting her in real life. And now becoming a part of said streams every week when you met for your gaming nights. Even Soldier had joined in, simply sitting in the back watching and laughing whenever you succeeded in winning for once.

‘’Uhm, yeah let’s go. Just the two of us or is the old man in on it too?’’ With some swift movements you grabbed your weaponry and put them in the storage across the room, Hana seemed rather tired lately so when she responded with the first of the two options you weren’t surprised. You had been thinking about the girl a lot, you realized this now as you walked with her in the corridors. People assumed her as a difficult person, a gremlin living on mountain dew and doritos with little to no actual sense of responsibility. In some cases this was true, when she was on her free-time and able to actually relax and she had actually brought up that she can be serious at times to you during a conversation once, you had seen a lot more signs of a tired and experienced Hana lately and it was worrying to everyone since it wasn't hard to see changes with the normally cheerful girl.

 

* * *

 

 

‘’Home sweet home’’ Hana smiled and slightly laughed as you stumbled into her room due to spacing out and actually almost falling on the small feline she had adopted recently. It was a beautiful Bengal girl that quickly had taken a liking to the two of you, but jesus christ these cats were wild and expensive to have. You slumped down in Hana’s couch as usual with said cat clinging onto you in seconds. Hana already had the games you both enjoyed before you on the table and just put in the first one she got her hands on. No stream today it seemed, rather odd as she had actual schedules for these kind of things.

‘’I was thinking Little big planet? I’m not in the mood for more shooting today’’ She said with an apologetic smile as she sat down next to you and gave you one of the controllers.

‘’Yeah sure, I don’t mind. I’m totally awesome at this game’’ You grinned at her as she scoffed and accepted the challenge of being awesomer than you, was that a word? It is now. After playing for 30 minutes you realized something was wrong, Hana had slow reactions and constantly yawned and even stopped smiling and responding to your attempts on messing with her. Every time you tried to catch the attention of her she was spaced out, and you could see she was growing more tired by the second and it seemed like her body was preparing itself for something. This would happen during her many panic attacks, after entering Eichenwalde and getting flashbacks home she had the same behaviour for a week until she finally broke down in the middle of training. Hana was a good friend of yours and you knew about the gamers small behaviours rather easily and let's be honest you may have stared a little more on her than you liked to admit. Right now she seemed to be thinking, lost in her own mind as you tried to grab her attention. You sighed and turned off the TV, it took a while for her to even react with a confused look.

‘’Alright what’s wrong. Spit it out Hana I know there is something’’ You turned to her while speaking and crossed your arms over your chest. You were a former psychology major, very close to getting an actual master in the subject before your fun time as a vigilante and later Overwatch became an actual occupation for you which left you neglecting your studies and dropping out completely.

‘’Nothing is wrong I’ve just.. I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep lately’’ She seemed hesitant about opening up and instead of looking at you focused on the tired cat in her lap. Hana disliked being seen as a victim or a child, she was taller than Reinhardt in her own mind and stronger than Zarya. For a girl growing up in war she was bound to feel this way, she had all of South Korea depending on her at such a young age and showing that you were growing more panicked at a situation that seemingly had no end didn't exactly calm the population.

‘’This isn’t you not getting a lot of sleep Hana, you have been down all week even Junkrat has noticed it. You can talk to me Hana, I won’t push but just know I’m here.’’ You were about to stand up to turn off the game console when the girl grabbed your arm almost shaking from what seemed like panic. She must've assumed you were going to leave out of annoyance because of her inactivity and clueless mindset.

‘’It’s dreams. Flashbacks?.. I feel silly for this.’’ You had never seen someone cower in shame like she currently did, letting the cat off to the side so she could curl into a little ball. You quickly placed yourself next to her, looking at her to receive a nod so you could hug her. With her permission you carefully held her in your arms as she was shaking like a scared small puppy. You sighed, not out of annoyance but out of worry and uncertainty. 

''You are not silly Hana, you grew up in a warzone. Never feel like your own emotiosn are invalid- they are as important as anyone else.'' You said gently and stroked her hair carefully. She was beautiful and filled with life, but that had come at such a great cost.

‘’It’s about back home, The screams and the bodies (Y/N) they are all there just..looking at me.’’ You knew Hana had issues with a form of PTSD just as many others in overwatch, examples being Soldier76 and at times Reaper or even Reinhardt, but Hana had gotten help for it. She got pills and often talked with a psychologist about the fears and memories, she needed proper triggers to get this bad.

''Has something happened recently?'' You almost whispered to her as she looked around, trying to find the words. It wasn't rare for Hana to keep things bottled up seeing as she didn't want to bother people around her, even the psychologist had to explain her emotions and thoughts weren't bothersome. The girl looked up at you, her eyes were slightly puffed from the crying and she seemed almost desperate when she was looking for any sign of annoyance in your eyes. Upon not finding any she seemingly settled down with her doubts and took a deep breath.

‘’Min-Jun is dead, I got the call yesterday. I was supposed to go with him (Y/N), but I decided to stay here. I was supposed to be with him.'' She whispered and allowed herself to be propped up in your lap as her legs snaked around your hips, she was clinging onto your for dear life shaking even more now. You carefully wrapped the blanket that was normally laying on the couch around the two of you as you had her face buried in your neck almost soaking your shirt with her tears.

''I should've been there, he was my friend. I failed him- I could've stopped it I know I could have'' She was speaking rashly and her voice broke constantly as panic got more and more apparent for every word. She was close to a panic attack. You knew of Min-Jun, he was a good person had you had spoken with him at multiple occasions. It was odd, that he was gone. He was gone just as quickly as he had appeared into everyones life.

‘’Hana, take deep breaths and listen to me closely'' She was following your instructions for the breathing exercises that were all too familiar to yourself. To say that you weren't troubled yourself would be a fat lie. You dried her tears and sighed at your friend.

''Death isn't something any of us have control over.'' You tried to decide what was best in this situation, it was time to open up about your past for your friend.

''I had a brother one, he supported me through every choice I made even after our parents death. He was a troubled and I can admit I wasn't the best sister to him and I still regret that to this day. He got into the wrong crowds I used to say, but him and I seek out those crowds you know. His name was Jacob, he had the most brilliant eyes and a will to help people that showed into his education. He wanted to be  doctor and I decided, yeah Jacob would be an awesome doctor.'' You smiled at the memory, Hana looked at you seemingly lost in your story to fully panic.

''He wasn't too keen on my vigilante ways, I didn't expect him to be after the times I came to him with a bullet in my shoulder honestly. We talked everyday, even when we had to be seperated because of his studies. He called me one night, it was 1 in the morning and I had no intention of picking up. But it felt... important? It was completely silent, I thought it was a misclick until I heard him say he loved me. Apparently a good friend of his had died and the fear of me being gone as well was plaguing him. I will admit I didn't handle his grief well, I did my best to support him but Jacob was a difficult person to care for, he was my brother nothingless. He called again, same time just months later. I didn't pick up, I couldn't take his constant crying anymore and I was out of energy completely'' You cleared your throat and leaned back with Hana following your lead.

''I found out the day later he had gotten attacked, shot three times in the chest. He was calling me as he was bleeding out and I blamed myself for his death for years. I kept telling myself it was my fault and that I should've been there, I should have picked up that phone and comforted him. I thought that by picking up that phone I could have saved him from what was going to happen. I fell into a depression Hana, it didn't surprise anyone I guess. But I learned after years of struggling with this that it wasn't my fault. I am not the person who pulled the trigger, I couldn't stop that bleeding or save him and neither could any doctor. No matter how many hours I spent thinking about what I could've done differently would bring Jacob back. I want you to know this, You can't bring Min-Jun back and for him the biggest blessing would be for you to remember him with a smile on your face. It's going to take a while Hana but you will be okay, it is never your fault and you can't control the way of death.'' You finished your giant speech and story with a tired tone and closed your eyes, maybe you were a bit dramatic but you hoped she would see your story as more educational than your way of trying to get attention.

''Do you think he blamed me?'' She suddenly whispered and pulled away slightly to look at you with fearful eyes.

''Never Hana, He would never blame you for his death'' She nodded slowly and looked at her hands and said a weak sorry, probably to Min-Jun if anything. She looked tired, her hair pointing in multiple directions and her eyes puffier than before as her bloodshot eyes focused on her wristband. Hana Song was broken, but your broken and beautiful friend.

‘’I’m sorry (Y/N), I lost my cool there. I shouldn't have just thrown my emotions at you’’ You could see her shamed expression and scoffed as you pulled her closer to you once more.

‘’Say sorry like that one more time and I will personally paint your MEKA in the colors of Ronald McDonald'' She laughed slightly at your comment and leaned onto you before looking up.

''I love you'' She whispered and planted a small kiss on your lips, you were surprised at first but simply hummed at the soft lips as she pulled away and settled down in your lap once more.

''I love you too Hana, my little rabbit'' Yes, Hana song was indeed your broken and beautiful friend but- she was a lot more than just your friend. She was someone you wanted to love and care for, someone you wanted to spoil. And no matter how many late nights it would take for you to puzzle her broken pieces back together you would spend notse nights doing so with no regret. She fell asleep quickly, the cat that had seemingly gone missing during her weakest moment now propped up in her own lap as she was leaning her head on your chest. It was nice like this, you decided. Your little warrior rabbit.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy what I wrote here, this is my first work here and I hope it is easier to read than I feel like it is ;;  
> I have no history with dealing with people with PTSD attacks, I however know how it is to loose someone dear to you. And how much you blame yourself. I hope this fic was to your liking, and I always take requests!


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